bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She told me I should be a condom model.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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