i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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