his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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