the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh god the rape fog is back!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
