can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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