I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
