Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
