I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I didn't shave. On purpose
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
