She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
