Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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