Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
