I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize