i need an iv and a liver transplant
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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