do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We left the knife in your bed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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