I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
