once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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