I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
