You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
