every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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