im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
