I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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