I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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