dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Randomize
