Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
