apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
