who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
