oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
