clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
