don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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