every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
