My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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