So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
