I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
