She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
