dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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