A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
