I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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