omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
