# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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