Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
