and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
