I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
