when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
