just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
