So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
