anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
