sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
