are you so shy because you have an std?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
