$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
is it fun? or sober?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
