listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
