So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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