no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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