I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
