my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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