your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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