The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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