Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
