I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we should paint friendship bongs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
