my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize