i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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