You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
