At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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