haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just pee around me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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