We need to rekindle our bromance
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
