It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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