my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
