My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
