Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The air was thick with penises
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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